How do you DIFFUSE
conflict?
D – Define the
problem
-Get
alone. When did this start? How do I feel about this?
-Pray to
God, “Would you help me to see this from Your perspective.”
I – Initiate a
time to talk
-Chose a
wise time when both are refreshed and not tired.
-Get
things on the table.
F – Focus on the
perceived problem, not the person
-Don’t
use “you…ought/should/always/never” statements.
F – Feel their
pain
-As
though it is your own pain.
-Proverbs
17:17
-Until
you begin to feel what is going on, you will be judgmental of the other person.
U – Uncover the
root problem
-So
often we argue over the symptoms and not the problem.
-What is
really going on?
-Proverbs
20:5
-Ex: Money isn’t the problem, underlying values
are. Sex isn’t the problem, communications
are.
Issues with others
isn’t the problem, but rather loyalty is.
-Do
I come first before…?
S – Set things
right between you
-James
5:16 – confess our sins to one another to be healed.
-Look in
the eyes, say “I’m sorry”, own your part of it, ask for forgiveness.
-Be
willing to forgive. Don’t be the stopping
point of grace.
-Let
your “sorry’s” be your sorry’s, and your “forgiven’s” be your forgiven’s.
-Once
you’ve made it right, set it free. Don’t
carry that baggage with you.
E – Establish a
plan (specific)
-James
1:22-24 – don’t look into the mirror and walk away, do it!
-Make
specific commitments. By ____ day I will
___. I commit to ____.
-Make a
plan that solves the issue you are dealing with.
Learn to do it with the little things and it will get
easier with the bigger things.
Live intentionally, love biblically, so your marriage
will last a lifetime. Proverbs 16:3 +
Philippians 4:13.
(much of this
wisdom in one form or another I have learned from Chip Ingram)
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