Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Better Marriage Part 1 -Resolving Conflict In Marriage

A collection of thoughts and ideas. Check out Part 2 and Part 3 as well.

How do you DIFFUSE conflict?
D – Define the problem
            -Get alone.  When did this start?  How do I feel about this?
            -Pray to God, “Would you help me to see this from Your perspective.”
I – Initiate a time to talk
            -Chose a wise time when both are refreshed and not tired.
            -Get things on the table.
F – Focus on the perceived problem, not the person
            -Don’t use “you…ought/should/always/never” statements.
F – Feel their pain
            -As though it is your own pain.
            -Proverbs 17:17
            -Until you begin to feel what is going on, you will be judgmental of the other person.
U – Uncover the root problem
            -So often we argue over the symptoms and not the problem.
            -What is really going on?
            -Proverbs 20:5
            -Ex:  Money isn’t the problem, underlying values are.  Sex isn’t the problem, communications are.
Issues with others isn’t the problem, but rather loyalty is.
                                    -Do I come first before…?
S – Set things right between you
            -James 5:16 – confess our sins to one another to be healed.
            -Look in the eyes, say “I’m sorry”, own your part of it, ask for forgiveness.
            -Be willing to forgive.  Don’t be the stopping point of grace.
            -Let your “sorry’s” be your sorry’s, and your “forgiven’s” be your forgiven’s.
                        -Once you’ve made it right, set it free.  Don’t carry that baggage with you.
E – Establish a plan (specific)
            -James 1:22-24 – don’t look into the mirror and walk away, do it!
            -Make specific commitments.  By ____ day I will ___.  I commit to ____.
            -Make a plan that solves the issue you are dealing with.

Learn to do it with the little things and it will get easier with the bigger things.

Live intentionally, love biblically, so your marriage will last a lifetime.  Proverbs 16:3 + Philippians 4:13.

(much of this wisdom in one form or another I have learned from Chip Ingram)

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